What Consultants Do Best: Assigning Ownership

This is a great gem shared to me by a co-worker. We both were consultants at Accenture together, and now share a wall at Target. Courtney and I constantly laugh at our “old life” and how much nicer it is to be working on the industry side (go Big Red!). So, if any of you young’ens are considering a life in Consulting … make sure you are aware of the directional flow of sh*t. Enjoy and Happy Friday!

As we all know, shit rolls downhill. This shows how the process takes place in a professional services firm.

At the top of the hill is the Client. Generally, the Client, in one way or another, generates the shit.

The shit first reaches the Partner. But Partners are very adept at smelling the shit coming, and say, “I’m a Partner, I don’t have to take this shit.” And so the shit rolls on by.

Now the shit reaches the Senior Manager. It’s picking up some speed by now, and the Senior Manager gets splashed. “Phew, this shit stinks,” says the senior Manager, “better pass it down”.

So the shit washes over the Manager, and he gets well dipped in shit. But by this time, the shit has a lot of momentum, and it keeps rolling down.

And so the shit lands on the Consultant. And the Consultant gets covered in it, and spends the entire engagement swimming in it.

The Analysts are shielded from the shit by the Crest of Ignorance, which keeps shit from rolling down on them, and ensures that the Consultant remains submerged.

Meanwhile, however, the Analysts discover more shit as they proceed with the engagement. Not sure what to do with it, they conceal it in the Cave of Unreported Exceptions.

After a while, the cave gets filled with shit and it starts to ferment. Then the Consultant begins to smell hidden shit, and wonders “Dammit, now who’s been hiding this shit?” So, next time you’re on an engagement, and you wonder why your life seems like shit, just refer to the diagram.

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