Rules of Life: Sin City

Image result for las vegas

Now that I have made it out alive from my 6th trip to Las Vegas, I can look back and reflect on how I have managed to work the system well enough to survive.  And by “the system”, I don’t mean the casinos.  You can’t work them, they always win!  But rather all the other torturous tools Vegas utilizes to try and suck the life out of its visitors.  Don’t be fooled, its a city full of constant temptation, 24-hour booze, loose women, flashy lights, and all night entertainment with one goal in mind … get your money, or get your dignity.  So how do you survive?  Follow the simple Rules of Life.

  • What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.  It really is that simple.  Don’t talk about it, don’t fantasize about it, don’t get nostalgic about it.  The more you do, the quicker you’ll be on a plane back and willing to lose it all over again.
  • The longer you stay, the more money they get.  Whether its card games, bars, clubs … art galleries … don’t linger and get out as soon as you are can or pay the consequences!
  • Every girl between the ages of 18 and 30 walking alone, at night, down the Las Vegas strip, wearing any sort of leather or short skirt, is for hire.  This is not meant to be degrading, its the simple honest truth.  Stay away and you’ll stay clean … unless you’re in to that sort of thing.
  • Do not go to Vegas with a significant other unless you have extreme control NOT to gamble.  No one enjoys watching their future washed down the toilet unless done by themselves.
  • Oh, you sat down to play blackjack and got a 21 on the first hand?  WALK AWAY!
  • Don’t pretend to make plans, you won’t stick to them.  Don’t buy any show tickets until last minute, because when the shooter has hit 4 points in a row, you aren’t leaving and you know it.
  • Although they look to be in walking distance, the Luxor is NOT just a couple blocks from the Venetian
  • If you visit Vegas, you must spend at least one night dowtown.  Everything is cheaper … the tables, the drinks, the hotels, the women, the souvenirs, the entertainment, everything.
  • Standing in front of the Bellagio to relive the final scene of Ocean’s 11 is as cool as you thought it would be.
  • Pack sleeping pills, ear plugs, and a mask  if you plan on sharing a room.  When you go to bed at 5am, its hard to stay sleeping when everyone begins to stir.
  • Visit the Ferrarri show room at the new Encore Hotel, its as good as it sounds.  And they sell hats.
  • It is legal to carry drinks on the street, however, not if its a 4 ft Yard that needs to be worn with a strap around your neck for support.
  • Don’t bring a car to vegas.  Don’t try to drive down Las Vegas Blvd.  Don’t pretend to be a regular, you just piss off the people stuck in cabs in traffic.
  • Don’t blame other players for your loss.  So what if they hit a 12 against a 16.  It really doesn’t change what you do and half the time they help you as much as hinder.
  • Every club has a huge line pouring out into the casino floor.  The only purpose of this is to get you to lose money at the tables before being let in.  Don’t be tempted, the drinks are expensive enough inside without the added loss.
  • Treasure Island is neither a treasure, nor an island.
  • Cirque de Soleil is awesome … for about 7 minutes, then its just a really really expensive nap.
  • Drinks are free if you gamble.  So if you are broke and really want to get wasted … hello penny slots!
  • And last but not least.  Don’t get mad at the dealers, they want you to win.  The more you win, the more you tip them.  Getting mad at them is not the answer.  However, throwing ashtrays at the pit boss for laughing when your K,J loses to a 4,2,2,3,4,6 is more than acceptable.

Thus ends all Las Vegas posts until we return for the Summer 2009 trip.  Anyone interested in a May 29-31 rendezvous?

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