Category Archives: HelloNeiman 1.0

What Consultants Do Best: Assigning Ownership

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This is a great gem shared to me by a co-worker. We both were consultants at Accenture together, and now share a wall at Target. Courtney and I constantly laugh at our “old life” and how much nicer it is to be working on the industry side (go Big Red!). So, if any of you young’ens are considering a life in Consulting … make sure you are aware of the directional flow of sh*t. Enjoy and Happy Friday!

As we all know, shit rolls downhill. This shows how the process takes place in a professional services firm.

At the top of the hill is the Client. Generally, the Client, in one way or another, generates the shit.

The shit first reaches the Partner. But Partners are very adept at smelling the shit coming, and say, “I’m a Partner, I don’t have to take this shit.” And so the shit rolls on by.

Now the shit reaches the Senior Manager. It’s picking up some speed by now, and the Senior Manager gets splashed. “Phew, this shit stinks,” says the senior Manager, “better pass it down”.

So the shit washes over the Manager, and he gets well dipped in shit. But by this time, the shit has a lot of momentum, and it keeps rolling down.

And so the shit lands on the Consultant. And the Consultant gets covered in it, and spends the entire engagement swimming in it.

The Analysts are shielded from the shit by the Crest of Ignorance, which keeps shit from rolling down on them, and ensures that the Consultant remains submerged.

Meanwhile, however, the Analysts discover more shit as they proceed with the engagement. Not sure what to do with it, they conceal it in the Cave of Unreported Exceptions.

After a while, the cave gets filled with shit and it starts to ferment. Then the Consultant begins to smell hidden shit, and wonders “Dammit, now who’s been hiding this shit?” So, next time you’re on an engagement, and you wonder why your life seems like shit, just refer to the diagram.

The Ultralight Backpacker Challenge

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My experience with backpacking has come a looooong way.  When I think back to that first trip backcountry with Michael Fineman in 2002, I laugh at the naive boy I once was.  After going through Tom Neiman’s survival packing list (and ignoring the big disclaimer at the top that it was NOT intended to be an all-encompassing list, but rather suggestions to individually consider) … my pack for this first trip probably weighed 60 pounds.  Everything from jeans, to cotton sweaters, multiple swim trunks, water shoes, campground shoes, repair kits, extra fuel canisters (yes multiple) … you name it, I packed it.

Ah, what bliss these past 10 years have brought!  With each trip back to Montana, I evaluated the “necessities”, realized I never used those extra tent poles last time … and lightened my load considerably!  By my 2008 trip to Glacier Park with El Benno, Maximus, and BK Broiler, my pack weight was down to a cool 50 pounds.

And then Max set a challenge.

And as we all know, I do not back down from a Max challenge.

For our 2011 trip to Yosemite, Max and I were going to attempt Lightweight Backpacking.  Officially, lightweight backpacking refers to base pack weight (the weight of a backpack plus the gear inside, excluding consumables such as food, water, and fuel) of 20 pounds or less.  After months of preparation, weighing, cutting, weighing, filing, weighing, buying, sewing, and again weighing … I hit the trails with 24.6 pounds on my back and an additional 9.2 pounds in food/water.  I was 33.8 pounds lean … and that was for winter camping which included 4 lb. snowshoes!  If you subtract the snowshoes, I was at just under 20 pounds and it was fantastic.

But now a new bar has been set.

This summer Max, Gelperin and I will hit the trails again in a much warmer climate, and my base pack weight will be under 10 pounds as I attempt the Ultralight Backpacking experience.  I’ve been doing my homework, reading my books, and following the Gossamer Gear blog.  Come July 4th, I’ll be 10 pounds or less and running laps around Max. 

Bring it on.

Hello Reviews! Unbroken

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A WWII story of drowning, starving, beating, and cleaning latrines.

As the sub-title states, Unbroken is a World War II story of survival, resilience, and redemption.  When I downloaded this book, all I knew about it was:

  1. My sister and father already read it (opinions I like)
  2. It was written by the same woman who did Seabiscuit (a movie I like)
  3. It took place during World War II (a literary genre I like)

My UofM Alumni eBook club wanted to read this last fall, but we had just finished The Book Thief (one of my new FAVORITE books) and wasn’t in the mood for another WWII story.  So I stuffed it in my Goodreads “to-read” shelf and moved on to more happy stories.  BIG MISTAKE!!

I finally decided to attach this 500 pager after New Years and I could not put it down.  It took me 3 weeks to read, which may sound long to my friend Kat, but is light speed for me in a Nonfiction novel.  Unbroken moves incredibly fast and keeps you dying to turn more pages and hear what will happen to Louis Zamperini next.  From the very beginning, you are plopped in the middle of his true story, where Louie and friends are stranded on a raft at sea fighting off sharks and Japanese fighter pilots.  Then you jump back to Louie’s childhood and follow his epic journey through school, running, the Olympics, Air Force training, combat bombardier-ing, planes going down, rafts coming up, life at sea, life in internment camps, life in POW camps, life after the war, depression, resilience, religion, recovery, and finally … today.

That is more than enough content for a DOZEN novels!  But Laura Hillenbrand does an amazing job of capturing it all as we readers effortlessly plow through the decades of his life.  I knew nothing of this book when I picked it up, and I feel like I know more about this man than most of my friends and family.  You literally feel all of Louie’s emotions right beside him as you read … quite the powerful impact.

Af for the downsides of this book … it is long (and at times definitely feels it).  One point of feedback for Hillenbrand is to tell us not only what happens to Louie, but more on how he feels about it.  At times it just seems like a punching bag taking hit after hit, but how is it that Louie got through all this?  Having a bit more depth into his mental resilience as well as physical would sell better.  At times, it even seems impossible to have occurred the way it did (fighting off sharks over and over with his bare hands? Oooooooooooooooook).  Lastly, I would have loved to know more about his late years in life.  I had to go online just to find out he was still alive at the time of publishing (and still is today).

Great book, great read.  Highly recommend it for anyone out there that enjoy a good nonfiction piece (that reads like fiction).  What has two digital thumbs pointed up for Unbroken?  Hello Neiman!

Dilbert and Gai Pow (no envelopes)

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Scott Adams, get out of my head.  Seriously, very uncool man.

You know, some memories were buried from the world for a reason – why must you dig through my archives and bring pain to the surface again?!  My days of errant Vegas trips are over (until Buddy/Goldfine/Shaw/Ben get engaged), as are the 8-hour benders between final exams at the Canterbury Park.

But oh how I know Wally’s pain!  I know the sorrow of ordering double Gin & Tonics (which is still about ½ the alcohol of a normal pour) while contemplating if I should split my two pair or keep them together with a queen-high on top.  Win both and you win, win one and you tie – but I’d have to lose both to lose.  Surely, the odds have to be in my favor and I can play it safe.  Besides, either way, I should get my drink before I lose my money.  Right?  Right!??

ALL RIGHT ALREADY!!  YOU WIN OK?!  I’LL TAKE THE DRAGON BET EVEN THOUGH I KNOW I HAVE A 9-HIGH PAI GOW COMING!!!!!

Damn you Sam Torosian and Fred Wolf for bringing evil on to this world.

Spanish “Soup” and PIPA Longstocking

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SOPA and PIPA.  Shame on you.  Shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame on you!

As long as the rest of my favorite sites are showing their support, Hello Neiman will do the same.  If xkcd can do it, Hello Neiman can do it.  If Google can do it, Hello Neiman can do it.  And if Wikipedia can do it, you better damn well believe Hello Neiman will do it!  I wrote letters in protest to Congressman Ellison, Senator Klobuchar and Senator Franken.  However, since Stuart Smalley wouldn’t even respond to my numerous emails 2 years ago about having lunch with a couple of his constituents working in D.C. – I don’t anticipate hearing much back from him.  The man is good enough and smart enough, and gosh darn it people like him – but he don’t like no Hello Neiman!

I urge everyone to share your feelings with your representatives as well.  To quote my “colorful” sister Mirra, “writing about it on Facebook but failing to sign or call won’t do much.”  You are correct Mirra Beth.  And for those of you saying to yourself, “Self, I want to express my concern but don’t know how to do it!”  Fear not HelloNeiman faithful, we have some wonderful links below for quick ways to act.

Hello Future? It’s Samsung … umm, we’re here.

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Ever since Samsung showcased their new Transparent Smart Window at CES last week, its been pretty much the biggest talk of the gadget town.  I’m having trouble understanding exactly all the details, but if what I read is correct … this is an ACTUAL transparent window which turns into a touchscreen LCD panel for use.  The video above makes it look like just a picture of the outside, but according to the 1:08 mark in the video, “this is completely transparent” and that actually is the outside looking in.

Consider.  My.  Mind.  Blown.

Ok, so lets recap if it meets my list of characteristics for a must-have gadget.  Does it add a cool tech-flavor to a common household item?  Check.  Is it integrated with social media and app support?  Check.  Will my neighbors be able to look through my window and be instantly jealous of me using it … CHECK!!

There were rumors that the iPad3 may use a transparent LCD, but it looks like Samsung stole the show first.  As Gizmodo claims, this is “actually a TFT LCD panel with the ability to go fully transparent, like any other pane”.  Oh, and did I mention it is only visible from the inside and also partially solar powered?  Yes, the future is here friends and it looks a lot like Ben Affleck reverse engineering ALife.  I guess the only question that remains is how many will Danny buy as “business expenses” for BigTymeTickets?

50% off at Fuji Ya? You got a deal!

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Hello Sushi! As you should know, my partner site FiveDollarLiving.com helps deliver great deals in the Twin Cities for cheap eats and entertainment under $5. Although the deal on CrowdCut today for 50% off at Fuji Ya does not fit with that $5 budget, its one of those deals I want to tell the whole world about.

I love the way this deal is marketed. I was about to forward it to some friends with my explanation of why I love it, but this communication outlet is just a wee bit easier. Plus, this way I can keep Henry from changing the email topic to how bad the Gophers are. (yes, they are bad, and yes I know this mean’s you’ll comment about it below).

But ok, I love this deal for three reasons. 1) It’s a fantastic offer at Dana’s favorite sushi restaurant in Minnesota, 2) Crowd cut leverages a great social media marketing plan by using a local celebrity video to plug it on the deal page, and 3) It’s finally an offer from these daily deal sites that is worth buying. Sorry Groupon, I was getting a bit sick of deleting your laser eye surgery and pilates membership offers.

So go to CrowdCut, and buy the deal. Maybe you will meet Andre Zimmern when they place you at his table and he comes to b*tch you out for taking it Ah, local celebrities, they think they are so special.

Hello Reviews: The Sense of an Ending

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end of my sensing

I hate that this has to be my first book review of HelloNeiman 2.0.  Not because it was a bad read (actually, at 176 pages it was extremely engaging and fulfilling), but just because its going to be really complicated to explain any rational thought or perception to you in mere blog review words.

To sum it up, The Sense of an Ending by Julian Barnes is basically a deep psychological and philosophical exploration into friendship, relationship and suicide.  No spoilers here, it becomes evident pretty early on that the book will deeply analyze the logic to taking one’s life.  The interesting thing is how often during reading this book … you start to understand this logic to death as well.  Do people commit suicide because they are mentally unstable … or because they are perhaps so stable that they can dissect life’s purpose all together.  As Barnes put it, “if you’re too clever you can argue yourself into anything.  You just leave common sense behind.”

The main character and supporting cast are extremely well developed, and helped sell the story perfectly.  However, I really had to read many passages over and over and over again, as I tried to fully identify Barne’s unfolding philosophy.

This is an incredibly deep thought provoking story about a guy, his relationships, his mental fortitude, and a diary.  I highly encourage you to read it, but only if you are willing to stop and think really hard after each chapter.  It’s definitely one I’ll do some more follow-up research about online.  One thing’s for sure though, this is a book that Zach Puchtel’s View would really enjoy.

Top 30 Bon Jovi Songs of All Time

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bonjovi2

This weekend I met my family in Cable, WI for a very relaxing cross-country ski weekend at the newly reopened Telemark Lodge. Although spending 3 days at this ski resort from my youth first felt like Craig Robinson’s return to Kodiak Valley, the Hot Tub was alas not a time machine.  The best part of the trip, instead, was taking a virtual trip through time as I listened to all 160 songs in my Bon Jovi playlist on the road.  From this 8 hours of driving music Heaven, I listened to every hit from every album and every decade … like I said, Heaven.

After getting a chance to hear them all, I felt it necessary to compile my list of all-time favorites.  Now, if you know me or this blog, you can understand how difficult it of a task this has been. After 15 years of Bon Jovi obsession, some of the regular hits get passed up for some hidden gem b-side tracks.  Truth be told, there are 160 amazing Bon Jovi songs in my playlist, but I’ll stand by this compilation.  So, without further ado, and for your viewing pleasure … I give you the Hello Neiman! top 30 Bon Jovi songs of all time:

30. I’ll be There for You (New Jersey)
29. All About Loving You (Bounce)
28. The Distance (Bounce)
27. Everyday (Bounce)
26. Destination Anywhere (Jon Bon Jovi)
25. Captain Crash and the Beauty Queen from Mars (Crush)
24. Undivided (Bounce)
23. Living On a Prayer (MTV Unplugged)
22. Complicated (Have a Nice Day)
21. Bad Medicine (New Jersey)
20. One Wild Night (Crush)
19. Bed of Roses (Keep the Faith)
18. Always (Cross Road)
17. Lay Your Hands on Me (New Jersey)
16. When We Were Beautiful (Circle)
15. Have a Nice Day (Have a Nice Day)
14. Blood on Blood (New Jersey)
13. I Love This Town (Lost Highway)
12. We Weren’t Born to Follow (Circle)
11. You Give Love a Bad Name (Slippery When Wet)
10. 99 In The Shade (New Jersey)
9. Someday I’ll Be Saturday Night (Cross Road)
8. (You Want to Make) A Memory (Lost Highway)
7. Raise Your Hands (Slippery When Wet)
6. Lost Highway (Lost Highway)

And for your viewing pleasure, my top 5…

5. Who Says You Can’t Go Home (w/Jennifer Nettles) (Have a Nice Day)

4.  Wanted Dead or Alive (This Left Feels Right)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kp8kOMuvw30

3.  Runaway (Slow Version) (Crush Tour DVD)

2.  Living on a Prayer (Slippery When Wet)

1.  It’s My Life (Crush)

LEGO Lord of the Rings Coming Soon

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Coming Summer 2012.  Coming Summer 2012?!  Since when do Toys have teasers?! Leave it to LEGO to toy with childish adults like me.  Lets do the math shall we?

  1. Pretty much anything with any connection to Lord of the Rings is worth more than gold to a Neiman
  2. Most Neiman’s live in Minnesota
  3. Target is based in Minnesota
  4. LEGO is Target’s highest selling boys toy brand of all time
Buy stock in LEGO and Big Red people, we may buy out inventory across the state. Oh, and guess what Jonah, Caleb, and even Zachary … your birthday and Hanukkah presents for the next 5 years are pretty much set.  I hope you don’t mind if your Uncle Neiman, Aunt Mirra, and Pops plays with them first.
Update: Turns out this is a video game similar to Batman, Harry Potter, and Star Wars. Looks like I can dust off the Wii again.  Maybe the game will do so well they update their line of toys?